Mom

It's 2.30am now, just came back from supper with joseph. Having just chatted with my team lead online, I should be doing my modeling now rather than writing this entry. But there are things which I have delayed writing and I do not wish to delay further.

Mom wasn't feeling well the past week. Went to see the doctor a few times, but the prescribed medicines do not seem to help. Talked to her last night, and can feel that she is quite depressed with her unwellness. This morning before I went to work, she told me that the pain is quite intolerable sometimes. This is quite worrying since my mother is someone who seldom falls sick.

Met up with my ex-colleagues for dinner last night. When I reached home, saw my sis at the living room, and told her that my IPO has gone underwater. She was quite irritated and didn't really answer me. Tot it's another of her bad moods.. Then I went to mom's bedroom and ask her how she is doing. It was then that I realized that she is still not feeling well. No wonder sis was angry. Our mother is sick, and yet I went out with my friends. First thing I said when I reached home was not to ask about mother; but rather was to talk about my stocks. I was instantly reminded of a scene in Click. Family should always come first. Not career, not friends, and certainly not money.

Today mom went to the doctor to get an ultrascan. Sis went with her. I called sis to find out the results of the scan, and the doctor told us that he suspected it's gallstones. I asked sis how mom is feeling then, and she told me mom is quite worried. When she is on her phone, she saw mom take out the scan from the envelope to take a peek at it. Mom can't read English, and is not highly-educated. The image of her trying to make sense of what is causing her the pain formed in my mind and broke my heart at the same time. I feel that I should be a better son than I was.

On my way back home, I thought about everything mother has taught me over all these years. She has never imparted any skills to me, even though she did attempt to teach me multiplication in primary schools before the english become too difficult for her. But what I learned from her is something which I will carry with me for the rest of my life. Mother is a simple person. Our neighbour of 20 years once told me that her opinion of mom is a content and optimistic person. I never think of her this way, but I think her assessment is accurate. I was thinking of how I can be a better son; of what I can do to make her proud; and what kind of a man would she want me to become. Then it struck me that the answer is nothing. There is no better son for her. It doesn't matter what I do, or who I become. I am her son, and that's it. Period. Doesn’t matter who I was, am, or become. Every mother will feel the same way for their child.

There is one thing which I know my mother would like to see me do. She has always tell me to 好好做人. Be a good student. Don't miss classes. Don't stare at gangsters. Don't accept candy from stranger (it later becomes "Don't accept cigarettes from stranger"). Don't be late for work. And on and on. And now, I understand that what she is really telling me is to stay true to yourself and live life with your conscience. If you have done nothing wrong, you would not be scared even if someone knocks on your door in the middle of the night.

We will be seeing the specialist tomorrow. Hope it will be nothing serious and mom will get well soon. Ti gong 保佑.