Self-denial

I can never understand myself. I already knew that nothing will happen unless I take some actions. I already knew that inaction will cause me pain and possibly regrets. Yet, time and again, history repeats itself.

Why this pain that I'm feeling now? It has been 2 consecutive busy weeks at work, working up to 12 hours per day. Was so tired when I reached home yesterday. Yet, I couldn't sleep. I couldn't apprehand. Why am I doing all the things that I don't like to do? Why am I not doing the things that I want to do?

When something happens, it doesn't happen out of nowhere. There are telltale signs. I have been picking up this signals all the while, yet, I did nothing. Living in self-denial. Hoping that it won't happen. Hoping that I was wrong after all. And then the truth hits you. And I really don't know how to react.

Maybe the time is not right now. Maybe I'm not ready now. Maybe this is the way it's meant to be.


Regardless, I still believe